first of all, what the hell was i thinking? of COURSE it wasn't meant for me. i'm such a self-centered narcisscistic bitch. i should go knock my head on a wall. i deserve all of this. i most certainly do. all of it.

BURN YOUR BOOKS

if there ever was something that could demoralise you into a sissy bitch, that gig was it.

AUGUST STAR

hail to the quartet who can get a gig and many original numbers, even though they were formed this year in July. great riffs and melodies, too bad they didn't have any real words to their songs. no wonder the songs sounded quite slip-shod. the vocalist was making them up as they went along. but still. HAIL.

SET FOR GLORY

hail to the band with an average age of 17. hail to the band who came out with an EP 3 months after they got together. hail to the band with an American fanbase. HAIL. Nico was great on vocals. cool bass spinning by Farris. Titus had titanic skill on the drums. too bad Sameer's string snapped. HAIL.

WEST GRAND BOULEVARD

what can i say. tight as glue, pitch perfect, stage presence, skill, talent, ingenuity, greatness. HAIL.

well, it didn't hurt to dream. we woke up with the light of 5 suns in our eyes.

hail to you.

[pics courteousy of ELTJ aka Elsa]

mama always said
there were only two kinds of men
men who can fly and men who pretend
i told her, "mama i wanna be a flying man."
"that you may be, but for now, pretend"
pretend, pretend, little one
pretend, pretend

if that was meant for me: me too. i know. but you know me. always too afraid to step forward first.

but maybe,
"The rhythm of my footsteps
Crossing flood lands to your door
Have been silenced forever more
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
It seems farther than ever before
Oh no"

of course, i might just be self-centred and think that was for me. i've learned to not care/protect myself.

[i can't bloody bold or italic or make anything small because the office system blocks out java scripts] fuck!
i need you so much closer

yes! internet access! woo!

the entire HR department [except me]is at a meeting now, and i've finished my assignment so here i am. i believe the term is 'zhuo bo'. this rocks. i just hope that when they're finished with the meeting, they'll give me some mass filing to do so i can stay here longer and clock a couple more hours. they were chasing me away yesterday when i stayed till 7 [knock off time is at 5.30]. all i was doing was tearing apart peforated pay slips. Lynda, one of my three bosses, asked me to go off if i needed to. but i didn't need to =).

i've got a great view of the runway and there're planes taking off and landing all the time. wait. this is the airport. what ELSE happens. but it's just so cool! it's like your own personal viewing gallery. the people here are really nice. and it's cool to hear all the Australians talk here. their accents make it less boring. it's a great working environment. i can see why everyone works so hard here.

anyway.

okay. i have nothing else to say.

okay FINE. it's actually rather boring when they're all at meetings and i'm alone at my desk with NO ONE to talk to on MSN and there's NO ONE to meet after work. dinner at the airport anyone? please? PLEASE.

and think we have to actually spend our time well in Kenneth's house. or maybe we should just steal his iMac and put it in someone's house. KENNETH YOUR HOUSE IS STIFLING.

everyone in the office has 'Tong Hua' as their ring tone. so happens that it's the only chinese song i like. cool!

LA LA LA LA. i'm alone typing and it's rather boring so i'm taking it out on this entry. LA LA LA LA. i guess i should go tab Wearing Me Out for Victor but i just realised that it's not in my MP3 player and they are unsigned so their tabs are non-existent! woo!

i. shall. stop. here. to. prevent. you. people. from. killing. yourselves.

so will you ever
lift your head up

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
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THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
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THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

to everyone for testimonials, wishes, sms-es, gifts, handshakes, butt shakes and as you can see i've run out of things to thank people for. thanks to Ash, Bose, Dalun, Ele, Frans, Joce, Joel, Joette, Kenny, Sze and Vanderstraaten [in alphabetical order. why? i do not know] for the time spent on Wednesday; the cap, the Toys R Us, the pool, the erotic photohunt, the dinner and the starbucks. you guys rock. thanks for the CD Ele! i don't know why, but this year's was memorable. it was low key, but greatly memorable. =)

Darcy you dog. you said you wouldn't show anyone. and you showed Tash and practically everyone else in council you evil, you.

we sounding good at jamming today. =) but not tight enough. had a memorable outing as the 4 of us after that. =)

work is alright. so far, it's filing for $6 an hour. hopefully the more challenging tasks don't come my way.

what have i done?
it's too late for that
what have i become?
truth is nothing yet

the stars say:

maybe i'm just not made for football.

"EASY."

what coach said when i fumbled a pass from Bob. no fitness what so ever, so much for "running with Glasgow". please. ANYONE can run with Glasgow. besides, i can't do it anymore. i've lost it. i can't control the ball for nuts. i can't use my thighs to cushion the ball into the air then pass it nicely. i can't use my head without closing my eyes like a sissy fuck.

"BODY LANGUAGE."

mine. says. it. all. i run like a girl. i'm all spastic all over the place. i don't react fast enough. i lose the ball. i can't pass. i can't kick well. i have no tactical knowledge. why the hell am i even playing this sport?

i think 10 years on, i'll be the one, watching the game at home or at a bar, bitching about it but not knowing anything about while the others are still playing it well.

it's good to be alone at home. gives you all the time and space to drown yourself in your own inadequacy/incompetence.

sometimes i think when my ACFC mates go, "oh, we got Jonny. sure lose already." or when the opposing team goes, "neh mind, they got Jonny. can win one." i feel that it's true. i really don't benefit any team i play for in any way. my mind just goes blank when i'm under pressure from an opponent. i'm just not an intelligent player. why the hell did coach pick me i have no idea. whenever i say, "i'm just in the team to make up the numbers." i sometimes really mean it.

some might try to encourage me.

"but you can run what."

so what.

run but can't get the ball. run like a headless chicken. when you see kids play at void decks or where ever, there are two kinds. those who score the goals, and those who run around hopelessly, making fools out of themselves. i would've been one of the latter if i started at that age.

days like today just prove me right.

days like today happen all the time.

ah, fuck it.

i need you so much closer
i need you so much closer

upon reading vann-ann's blog entry on the 5th of November, i realised that i might have spelt something severely wrong.

"The Halloween party on Monday at Graham's was good, though Paddy was being ze bitch on his blog, calling me some vengeful mamasan or something. Plus, he was so upset that I tried to get him (and Joce) to wear seatbelts when we were cabbing home from the party. Well, EXCUSE ME for wanting to protect your life. And yes, it's Miss Vanderstraaten to you, lad. Haha, look who's being ze bitch now. :) Anyway!"

shit! die die die! then the whole pronounciation changes as well! but it's STILL cool. i am rather shaken by this ordeal now. well actually the meeting with Brother Paul on the 25th is really making me piss in my pants. i really hoped i can get a second chance. that's right, a SECOND CHANCE. it sounds nicer and makes me feel less stupid. then, there's the issue of which combination of subjects to choose again. the new syllabus scrambles things up a bit but when i bumped into louie and phong last night at the prata house [they too are seeking a SECOND CHANCE], they were going to take biology, chemistry and maths again. when i asked why, louie said she wanted to change to arts as well, but it's a totally different style and approach to learning. she said she'd rather stick to something familiar as at least we know the approach to bio, chem and maths. i agree with her but i HATE CHEMISTRY. seriously, fuck chemistry. it is the bane of my existence. on the other hand, it's all a matter of how hard you want to work, regardless of which stream you're in. though i'd rather switch to arts, i'm afraid that taking subjects i've never done before would make it harder for me. but if i retook bio, chem and maths, at least i would be on familiar ground. louie also said that the changes wouldn't be much. i don't know if that's true but her perspective just threw me into a whirlwind. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

she said, "don't go so fast, the arrows on the road are getting blurred."
he said, "baby, where we're going, they don't have any roads."
"what if we get lost then?"
"i'm already lost... in you."
[damn cheesy right? yuck. can't believe i wrote that. realised how cliche it was. but STILL. maybe it'll be part of the song =)]

woo. just came back from Kenneth's house.

we have a new song baby!

stupid Kenneth and his shit iMac with shit mouse and shit speakers and small-ass microphone and lousy laggy iMac and shit graphics and shit knowledge of garage band and stupid McDonald's delivery so slow, make us hungry only.

yet to be named. but woo, it's angsty and is kinda fast. maybe we'll add some more shit to it.

woo!

take, take it away
take it away
take the music away

hmm.

i was in CD-RAMA the other day and notice that they had really cool headphones/ear-phones. pity that i couldn't afford them. then, i headed down to far east for some reason, i can't remember. i saw these really cool fisherman-like bags, like the one i have but cooler. i really wanted to get it since my current fisherman bag is broken thanks to Ashley and Da Lun. asses. then, on Saturday, i headed to heeren to meet Malcolm and JC to choose a CD for Rachel as her present. we waltzed along the vast aisles of HMV to see the treasures they behold. boy, was i in for a treat! Franz Ferdinand's "You Could Have It So Much Better", Hot Hot Heat's "Make Up The Breakdown", the Van's Warped Tour 2005 CD, Taking Back Sunday's "Where You Want To Be" and "Tell All Your Friends", Snow Patrol's "Songs For Polar Bears", Story Of The Year's "In The Wake Of Determination", Thrice's "Vheissu", "The Artist In The Ambulance", "The Illusion Of Safety" and "Identity Crisis", Still Life Projector's "The Dance Riot", Kaiser Chief's "Employment", The Futureheads' self-titled album, Bloc Party's "Silent Alarm", The Walkmen's "Bows + Arrows", Interpol's "Antics", British Sea Power's "Open Season", Hard-Fi's "Stars Of CCTV", Muse's "Origin Of Symmetry", The Strokes' "Is This It" and so many more! wow! was i in for a treat! too bad i seldom buy CDs. in the end, we got Hot Hot Heat's "Make Up The Breakdown" and the Van's Warped Tour 2005 CD for Rachel.

went to Rachel's party on Saturday. her house is just...just. i do not have an elaborate enough vocabulary to describe it. sorry. but there was a dude there making pratas on the spot for everybody and a band playing. coolness.

okay, i don't know why but now, i'm feeling like i have no purpose living. it's not like a suicidal thing. but everyday, i wake up and do nothing. my whole day is either spent on the computer or watching the TV which is fucking stupid. i want to go out and do something but i just got scolded by my mom this morning for going out all the time and that my "friends are more important then my family". like what the fuck? what the hell am i supposed to do at home all the bloody time? she scolded me and brother for being lousy, lazy slobs and that she wants us to do a timetable for the holidays, including "study time, time for computer, time for friends, time for going out" bla bla bla. what the hell? i detest timetables. study time? what the hell am i supposed to study? sometimes i just want to leave the house since whenever i use the computer, my brother would pester me to stop cause HE wants to use it. he would sit right NEXT to me and use his presence to chase me off the computer. along with his incessant questions of, "are you done yet? can i use soon? i want to use." like FUCK, man. and what's more, that's what's happening NOW. at this INSTANT. he is seriously obsessed but why the hell do i care.

okae, i'm just don't know what i'm feeling now. i find that i have nothing fufiling to do. nothing worth focusing on. i hate this. i really hate this. fuck this. fuck it. i now have no mood to write songs with Vic later.

way away, away from here i'll be

"you're always late," someone once told me.

ah, f*ck it.

so here's my LATE entry.

halloween.

quite cool. i actually got to celebrate/acknowledge halloween this year.

went to Graham's place at Ulu Pandan. how aptly named. had a really long bus ride with Jared and Christian. we arrived fashionably late, only to see Darcy the Gandalf/Elf/Lerprechaun/Dwarven Sniper and Graham, the unconvincing incarnation of death welcoming us. i think Darcy was the one who went, "you f*cking c*ee bye! why so late?" oh well.


here's Darcy the Gandalf/Elf/Lerprechaun/Dwarven Sniper. notice how his magical staff is strategically placed in a postion to suggest that something of his is also magically huge? Darcy you perv. what's more, the tip of the staff was on fire. passionate as hell eh Darce?







i have no idea what i was supposed to be, but apparently, it was something along the lines of goth boy. this picture clearly displays my lack of comprehension of the situation at hand and my halloween identity.

so anyway, there was great food thanks to Graham's father and maid who were manning the barbequeue. Jared brought his German Wodka. and i think it was who Joce brought some Absolut. coolness. =)

so, there was Darcy the Gandalf/Elf/Lerprechaun/Dwarven Sniper,

Graham was death, Angel was a vampire, Ele was a witch,

Marie, Manda were witches too i guess [the hat gave it away], Pinky was a gypsy, Miss V.A Vanderstratten was some dead, vengeful chinese lady in a cheongsam [or was she a mama-san].

Jared was some Angel of Death/Goth Boy.

that apparently did not go too well according to Miss Vanderstratten's liking.

Christian was supposed to be a flasher. he had nothing but boxers on inside that trenchcoat.

kinky.

of course, when you have a semi-gay fairy/angel and a derranged flasher, shit happens.

BAD shit.

Joce was a MAN. like OMG. what is the world coming to. also, watch as Jared fusses over his tiara. and notice how Glenn, despite not wearing a costume, looks like he's totally into his demon role.

so as the night went on, the bottle got emptier and the banter got louder. Christian brought his Bose speakers for the iPods and some hip-hop was playing before somehow, there was jazz and big band music and golden classics. we started singing along like drunks, well some of us at least.

here's another picture of Darcy using his magical staff to once again suggest something magical about himself. keep dreaming Darce.

truth or dare wasn't fun cause everyone kept talking in some weird L-language which just defeated the purpose of the game. towards the end, we all sang Ele her birthday song and left Graham's pad. and i'm never going to share a cab with Vanderstratten again cause she insists on seatbelts. like WTF man.

okay, sorry if this entry is utterly boring. i'm just too bloody tired to think of anything witty.

oh and i stole the pictures from Ele. hur hur.

your love is gonna drown