it's about 3 in the morning and i can't help but still feel resentment towards the lamers. but more of that later. went to my mom's office to help her out in her assembly today[or yesterday, whatever]. spinned some tracks for her as i took over my dad's DJ duties. then went to help do some accounting for her. rather boring. i don't think i'll work for my mom if i start working. would be more like helping than working.

anyways, back to my resentment for lamers.

it was cold at 6 am on sunday. the sky was dark and rain was pattering away. met lan at pp macs at around 7. the clouds looked like bad omens. we waited for dom and headed to ang mo kio after a hearty mcdonald's breakfast. met up with the rest of DFC at the amk mrt station. there were 8 of us, so i asked sathia who were the other 4. it was to be 4 lamers that were to play for us. i felt uneasy when he gave me the news. the 4 lamers later arrived and my expectations of them were met, and that's not good. then, one representative from our opponents led us to the field that we were to be playing in. it was a quagmire of a pitch really, a mud hole. the rain did not help either. so we played anyway, getting ourselves drenched in mud. my white long socks turned brown and my boots were coated with mud. the ball was impossible to control and it was a wonder how goals were even scored. needless to say we lost [what's new]. but the sh*t thing that happened was the discovery that my phone was missing after the first half.

after the first half, i immediately searched my bag for my wallet to go buy drinks. i found my wallet but could not find my phone. i started getting anxious so lan dialed my number. someone picked it up, held the line for 9 seconds, then cut off the call. lan tried to call again later but it was switched off. that confirmed the fact that my phone was in someone else's possession. immediately, what came into my mind was the lamers.

when we first reached the venue, we changed into our boots at the void deck of a hdb block next to the field. we all hung around there for a while before heading onto the field. dom and i almost went up the pitch which was on a mound when i noticed 2 of the lamers still hanging around the void deck smoking their fags. i sensed something amiss and was suspicious of them so i asked dom to stay behind to watch them. they noticed we were watching them so they made their approach to the field. dom and i thought it was safe since they were not near our bags anymore. however, just as we ran into the middle of the pitch, the lamers went back down into the void deck. i didn't pay much heed to that and started warming up with the rest of the players. i suspect that those two lamers took my phone when they went down into the void deck. it was quite a while before the bags were placed next to the field. i heard from sathia that the lamers questioned why they wanted to move the bags. maybe they had intended to steal some more stuff from us and didn't have the chance when the bags were moved. i had to be the lucky one to be stolen from first. i'm not sayin it WAS the lamers. i just suspect them. with all that happened, especially with them being at the void deck, i have every right to. but then again, it might have been someone who was with the bags when we were playing the match. anyway, i did not like the lamers' attitude when i told them my situation. one of them was quick to dispel my notion of when and where the phone was stolen, that was, at the void deck when they were there. as i explained to him why it thought it happened there and then, he quickly questioned me why i would think that it happened at the void deck. he also tried to convince me that it happened when the bags were next to the field, which was highly impossible since the bags were in full view of everyone. when i told him that, he tried to convince me that the span of time between when they were at the void deck and when the bags were brought to the field was very short, almost as if to say that the bags were immediately brought onto the field which was of course, totally untrue. that heightened my suspicions as he tried to cancel out the link that the two of them were there, before the bags were brought onto the field. as i explained to him this, he seemed to have lost out and quickly ended the conversation by saying that if i wanted to stick to my theory then i should go ahead and that it was just too bad. f*ck that. i was pissed. he had practically declared that they were the thieves. the rest were also keeping quiet, probably choked up from the fact that my deduction hit the nail on the head. another was also quick to convince me to think otherwise. he said that those who looked all too eager to help were most likely the culprits. then, later on after the game, he also said that he suspected ahmad. what the hell, the one who points one finger at someone has more fingers pointing back at him. they probably had hidden the phone somewhere because they were quick to suggest the checking of bags. Lan and i checked them all but to no avail. i was f*cking pissed and i use that adjective because at that time i had every right to be f*cking pissed. after the match, i had my eyes on them. they were also weary of me as i quickly tailed the first one that made a move. i sat near them as they got out of their football gear, watching to see if they brandished my phone. i didn't notice anything. i asked dom and Lan to watch too. by then, i had already accepted the fact that i would never get my phone back but i was still pissed. so we all trudged to the mcdonald's toilet to clean up while the lamers went to the toilet the coffee shop nextdoor. rather peculiar that they did so. nothing else could be done. i wanted to check their bags again to see if the phone had suddenly reappeared, if they had hidden it and retrieved it but i think doing so would have started an uneccessary confrontation. so, they left in a cab, and with haste i might add; they were the first ones to make a move. i asked ahmad to do me a huge favour, to do some reconnaissance and give me any news if they showed him the phone, since he hangs out with them anyway. i put little hope in that now, for all i know he might be the thief as he was watching the bags or he might be in cahoots with the lamers.

i'm thinking now, "why are lamers like that?" sathia highlighted this fact, saying that "the whole race is the same", well i wouldn't whole-heartedly agree with that as there ARE good lamers out there. lamers that are actually good hearted and who have not lost their way. lamers with a future. some might think i'm being harsh but the truth is many of the lamers are like that. it's like they just don't care. some have the most apathetic attitude i have ever seen. it's sad really. why can't more lamers be like musta'in? i think musta'in is the perfect role model for lamers out there. he's smart, well-read, IT-savvy, musically inclined, and has many talents. i've known the guy through our time at Robotics and he's been swell! he's a good friend too. i just can't understand it. oh well, like my mom said, "God bless the lamers."

what happened after the incident was worse.

i got home courteousy of a Lan-sponsored cab ride [thanks lan and thanks for everything, really]. i didn't want to beat around the bush so i told it straight to my mom that my phone, which used to be hers, got stolen. her face immediately turned into an ugly scene of anger. she was so pissed; i think she was as pissed as i was. she was muttering some words under her breath in the kind of hate-filled tone that made you sick in the stomach. i was also pissed, we were angrily looking for the 6610 box to find the serial number to block the phone. she was saying that it was in her office and that she had did not want to see home and the people in it. so she was raising her voice and stomping around. that was when i snapped. i screamed at my mother. i screamed at her for blaming me for the phone being stolen and that she kept saying that it was "lost". i was feeling mad, crazy, derranged. she kept stating that it was the umpteenth phone i lost and all that other crap she would say. she shouted back saying that she was not saying that it was my fault. but how can i not feel that she was blaming me for the loss with the way she was reacting. i was screaming and was in a state of rage that i had never been in for a long time. it was like a wild animal rage. even as i describe it now, i feel ashamed for having let it get the better of me. it was the kind of rage that got tears streaming down uncontrollably. that kind of anger. my mom realised what the situation had gotten into and chose to end it before it got any worse. in my blind state of fury i screamed back at her to not back out of it and leave things unspoken and started rambling on like a mad man of how things were always left half way and lots of other crap that i seemed to have forgotten. my crazed words were of nothing but of impulse.

when she left i was still ranting away, obviously unhappy. i went into the shower and hid my tears with the running water. i was just standing there, with clenched fists, with the feeling of wanting to hit something bad. then, i realised what i had done and started to calm down. i realised all the screaming and rage was for naught and started smacking my forehead for being the idiot i was. i came out and called my mom in the office and apologised for my misdeed. she was quick to forgive me and we had a deep conversation on how she felt about the incident. on hearing her side of the story, i realised i was the ugly one for losing my temper. i felt really guilty after that. what's more, it was my parents' wedding anniversary that day. some anniversary, thanks to me. so my dad took me to the hello! shop at west mall to get a replacement SIM card. then, in the evening, we went to watch the 'Planet Love' concert at the auditorium at SJI.

it was a nice performance. similar to the performance i watched at NUS, it was another worship-based performance, only better. the hosanna music ministry was performing and i have to admit they were good. they had a 7 piece band, comprising of three guitarists [two on electric, one on acoustic], a bassist, drums, percussion and keyboard. there was a large number of vocalists and there were a few of them who had solo performances. one thing good about the peformance was that they had very good preludes to the songs. each song had a meaning and the singer for each song would give introductions of themselves and share a personal experience related to the song. some were acted out. the singers had a connection with the songs there were singing and i think that that is the way to connect with the audience, to feel and flow with the song. the songs were about love [Planet Love, go figure] and were christian-based. i'm not sure if they were written themselves but if they were, damn they're talented. there was this one guy [don't know his name] who was like their 'leader'. damn was he talented. he started off as the singer, although his voice lacked that 'oomph'. then, he dropped back to bass and on other songs, he played the keyboard. towards the end, he also played the piano for a couple of songs, expertly i might add. now that's talent. his also solo-ed on a song about realising why you love that special someone and his personal story before it was heartwarming. whether it was fact or fiction i don't know. the main gist of his story was that he and his wife were going shopping at night at mustapha. when they were in the car talking, he suddenly saw that person that he fell in love with all those years ago. he had realised why he loved his wiffe in the first place. the auditorium was rather stoic but i think many members of the audience were touched. i think my mom was also touched but she was acting cool, getting all cynical and told me about the lack of power in his voice when he sang the song. i think my parents are the most un-romantic people on earth. it's quite sad really. they hardly touch each other, as if their other half has the plague and i think that has affected their realtionship somewhere along the line. but then again, who am i to say such things. all i know is that i would never be like that to MY wife. sheesh.

after that day, i really appreciated my mom for who she was. i really admire her strength and hope not to take her for granted in the future. okae, it's already 5 am and i started this at 3. damn, i'm long winded. there;s football on now, might as well watch it.

damn the lamers who took my phone [or whoever took it]. but damn the lamers anyway.